The life of a lady comic

I met a creepy man at the bar after my stand up show the other night. He kept telling me that he was from Miami and that his family owns most of the buildings in Hoboken, NJ. I guess he was trying to impress me...whatever. Real estate and geographical locations usually don't impress me as much as phrenology or, say, hair product purchases. He also informed me that his father helped Roger Dangerfield start the famous New York City club. Anyway, he told me that I am a star and I obviously don't have the proper representation. He offered to take me on for 6 months to "see what I could do in that time". He promised Letterman, Leno, tours...gold, hoboken buildings, etc. Then he looked at my boobs and licked his lips, over and over and over again.

If I had a dollar for every time this happened, I could finance this blog and global warming efforts. I like greenhouse gasses yo.

Just a comment

You can tell whether or not I am happy at a day job by the number of naps I take in the office bathroom stall. Currently, my day is full of naps.

New York City (Douche) vs. My Anti-Depressants (Non-Douche)

I live in New York City and I love New York City, however it got the best of me last week. Usually, my medicated brain and body can handle it...not this time. The weather, the midtown tourists, the "Save the Children" pestering (I'm not a fan of the child), the smell of homeless piss in the subways, the subways in general, my day job, my night job, my husband and his face, my fat legs, etc....all added up to one big shitstorm.

My crazy pills didn't stand a chance this week.

Winner: NYC - by a landslide


Image: nyctripquote.nyctrip.com

Michael Vick and anyone who supports him

A $1.6M one year contract with option for a second year a $5.2M is despicable. I hope that the Philadelphia fans eat Vick alive.

So soon shall we forget that this man killed an immense amount of dogs via electrocution, hanging, shooting and drowning. All for "losing their fighting spirit".

His "second chance" should be given to him in the real world (ie McDonalds, The Gap, Applebees, etc), not the NFL.

Kings of Leon (or possibly their managment team...I'm not sure who is to blame)

Kings of Leon, aka "The Kings of Indie Rock", performed on The Today Show this morning. I'm not sure who booked them or why...but, I'm sure they lost some street cred this morning.

Ashton Kutcher

Shine on Ashton!

From Us Magazine

Ashton Kutcher knows the secret to happiness, and it's Demi Moore.

"The real trick is putting yourself around people you admire," he says in the latest issue of Parade magazine (on newsstands Sunday). "That's why I married my wife. I locked in the brightest light in the room."

"My wife and I have an agreement in our marriage, and part of that contract is that we are going to shine our lights on each other," he says.

Paris Hilton

Congrats Paris! That's right, ladies. The Fat Douche of the Day is not limited to men.

Paris Hilton stated in an interview today that she is "not the dumb blonde" that the media makes her out to be. She is, in fact, a business woman. She is a brand. People can't possibly believe that she walks around saying "That's Hot" all the time. Of course not! Everyone takes her VERY seriously. I do...and always have. Especially during "The Simple Life". It was an extremely serious role that should have been Emmy nominated. Seriously.